• Facing major life changing issues with your faith and with your life
• When you are not needed, you lose part of your purpose in life
• How you can find your original purpose in the midst of the ashes
• When you realize life is getting close to the end, THEN you realize how fragile life is and only then do you do the things that are truly important
• You will not live forever, so what can you do, to live, to make a difference
• Part of the way we worship God is by serving and taking care of “the garden”
• The good news is, there is a purpose for everyone and when you arrive there, you will know

So there we were, eating Pizza.  And doing a puzzle.  It’s a puzzle with a sort of cartoonish like theme of village square.  It’s cute.  But at 8PM, eating pizza, tired.   Feeling a little over-worked, over-stressed, and over-whelmed, I was thinking about being anywhere else.   Like here, here or here.

The clock showed 8:10PM, I thought, “I gotta go, I’m so tired”   but then a thought drifted into my imagination.   It started with a memory.   My memory was of having a talk with a friend not too long ago.   He was telling me the last six months had been the best six months of his life.  I had to agree, they sounded great.  I was glad he shared his happiness with me.  And that memory of our conversation made me look up at the clock and think:   “what if this last 15 minutes with my grandmother, eating a simple cheese pizza, doing a puzzle, drinking Root Beer, were the best 15 minutes of her life?”

So I smoothed my skirt, licked my lips, had another sip of root beer…and gazed strategically over the puzzle, “HA, got a piece!” I exclaimed”

My Grandmother smiled widely,  “Hey you DID; fits good too”.

I’m pretty sure it was the best 15 minutes of her life.

I should point out that being a caregiver was really never something I thought I’d find myself doing.  I mean who does? But the reality is our population is aging and aging in fairly good health.   While full blown assisted living may not be necessary, some amount of help can be, well, a real help.  Even if you are a spry 95.

Which is what my grandmother is.   I’ve written about her in some other posts on my being a caregiver, you can catch up if you wish by reading Setting Sun, Puzzle Puzzle, Why don’t they teach you how these things work?   And today’s story is just one additional weave.

So my mom calls me from Florida, “Your Grandmother isn’t eating”.    I’m fiddling with the earring in my right ear, a gold hoop, about the diameter of a quarter.  “really mom, that’s pretty weird. Whatsup with that” I say in my best surprised little girl voice I can use in a professional office setting.

“I don’t know” my mom replies.    There is dead silence.  I know what is next.  I’m supposed to say “well I’ll go check on her”.  That’s my job as the care giver.  Almost sounds like the title of a good made for TV drama or grade B super hero title.   The CareGiver.

“Well why don’t I go check on her” I say.  We exchange pleasantries  before saying our good-bye’s.  We chat about the Florida Sun, the oranges in her yard, the social clubs.  I’m jealous working 50+ hours a week and taking care of my grandmother.   My mother is partying like it is 1999.

Munching my salad I scheme up a plan to contact my grandmother and get to the bottom of the issue.    A lightbulb beaming over my forehead, I pick up the phone and call my 95 year old grandmother.  “Hello” she answers in a crackley voice.  “Hi Gram, it’s Becki how are you”.   “Oh good”.

Good?  Hmmm.   How can she be good after not eating for three days.  Dementia? Denial? Disturbed?   I open up with a direct approach; I’m a busy woman after all, “I’m coming over with Kentucky Fried Chicken tonight.   You like white meat don’t you?’  She replies “Yes”.   “And how about mashed potatoes, you like those right?” I say with a bit of force.   “Oh yes, those are good”.   Hmmm I think this is odd.    We end our conversation and I dig back into work.

I am not working well, I am thinking of myself as CareGiver, super hero.  Would I wear a cape? Leotards?  A mask?   I am heavily daydreaming actually.  I am in fact hallucinating, co-workers having to speak loudly to break me out of my trance.  But  the work day ends mercifully and I arrive at my Grandmother’s chicken in hand.

It smells so damn good I am certain that after three days of not eating she’ll HAVE to be hungry.   My plan is diabolical and to the point.

When I arrive she says “HI” and asks, “What you got there”?   I look at her and wrinkle my forehead, “Kentucky Fried Chicken, remember?”.    She smiles and nods that yes she does remember though I have no idea if she does or if she is humoring me.

I fix two plates for us and then open my interrogation.  The plates are overflowing with warm fried chicken,  hot mashed potatoes with butter cascading down their sides, cole slaw and warm green beans.  I’m starving.    I think about my goal of size 10 jeans.  I look at the plate.  I opt for the plate of food.

“So, what’s up with the meals on wheels”  I ask her as I look at the unopened packages stacked neatly on her kitchen counter.  “Oh, I’m not  hungry” she replies as she hefts a heap of mashed potatoes into her mouth.   “Really” I say.  So, you are sick then?  “Nope not at all” she says as she sinks her choppers deeply into the chicken breast.   Puzzled, I look at her and say, “so what’s up with not eating”.    She doesn’t answer, she’s too busy shoveling food into her mouth.

Finally I give up, and join her.  The food is fabulous.  A rich combination of comfort food and sin all in one plate.    I am thankful I don’t eat like this everyday but equally delighted I am eating like this right now.  And as I watch her it dawns on me.  She wasn’t hungry because the food from meals on wheels wasn’t that good; it was because eating alone isn’t nearly as palatable as eating with someone you love.

Now for sure, LOTS of things are happening in this passage, like Tabitha being raised from the dead for example.  Talk about a kind act!!  But when you consider Tabitha on her own you get a real sense for her impact on people.   She, “She was always doing kind things for others and helping the poor”.   How do we know it impacted people?  Because when she became ill and died these same people, “sent two men to beg him [Peter], ‘Please come as soon as possible!’”  Why?  To heal her, to raise her from the dead.  To give them hope their friend, Tabitha, would be returned to them.

Those people wouldn’t have bothered if Tabitha had no impact on them.

And that got me to thinking about my Christmas Season and what simple, single act of kindness I could do that might make a small difference.   I can’t change the whole world, but, I can each positively influence a little piece of it. And that is true for each of us. And that adds up to alot.  Sometimes its hard to think of something to do though.  A couple of ideas might help to prime our thoughts.

One is checkout the Random Acts of Kindness web site for some ideas.  Another simple idea is Toys For Tots.  Their drop offs end around Wednesday, 12/14 I think.  A simple, new, unwrapped toy, is all they need.

Happy Christmas/Hanukkah/Soltice/Kwanzaa everyone

Links:
http://toysfortots.org/donate/toys-city-county.asp?txtState=Massachusetts

http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+9%3A36-43&version=NLT

This particular Messiah Sing is special for three reasons.  First, it’s a site reading orchestra, meaning, “Sight-reading is the reading and performing of a piece of written music, specifically when the performer has not seen it before.”    Second, one of my closest friends will be in the orchestra, and I know his musical standards are high so the music is bound to be good.  Third, you get the blessing of giving to a great cause, since there is a $10 ticket cost and all the proceeds go to Project Bread.

So, I hope we see all my readers in the Boston area at Messiah Sing at All Saints Parish, Brookline, MA on Friday, 12/2 at 7:30PM.   For easy directions, click this link:  Directions to All Saints Parish via Google Maps

So what does this mean?  A few things, all of them important.  Most of these are just rights that disappeared when many transgender people, both men and women, started dealing with who they are so they live “normal” lives.  But, these protections include:

• Employment
• Housing
• Education
• Credit
• Expands the state’s hate crimes protections to now include transgender people

Having been someone who has experienced this kind of discrimination first hand, I can tell you, this is very welcome news!    The bill is imperfect, and it does not include public accomodation, which means any public venue may decide that transgender men or women are not “welcome”.   Let’s hope that society is actually beyond that kind of behavior.

Many thanks to my friends who, along with me (see our article, “Trans Civil rights Lobby Day: Roundtable” for just one example out of hundreds), worked to see passage of this bill.   “BIG” thanks to Gunner Scott and the MTPC Team.  They kept our community moving forward when it seemed like we’d never see our normal rights returned to us!

What’s next? Well, the MA Senate vote is today!  The Senate bill is S764 “An Act Relative to Transgender Equal Rights”  So please CALL or EMAIL your senator and let him or her know your desire for them to vote in favor of our bill.  Here are the steps to help you:

(1) Find your MA legislator

(2) Once you do that, here are some helpful instructions on what to say, including a script, at MTPC Calling Help   And for some help on what to write if you choose to email, click to the MTPC Newsletter page.

Here’s a statement from the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coaltion on H 502/S764 “An Act Relative to Transgender Equal Rights”

In the days ahead, you may hear confusing things about this bill.  To be clear, this bill provides vital protections in employment, education, housing, credit, and hate crimes which transgender residents of the Commonwealth desperately need.  The bill is not perfect as it does not include public accommodations protections, but it is a solid civil rights bill that represents an historic step forward in supporting full civil rights protections for the transgender community.

Updated information will be coming from MTPC later today or you can follow them on Twitter @MassTPC   or check in on their newsletter page

So what to do next?  Either call or write your house of representative member today.   They really must hear from us today if at all possible.  You can find yours at this handy link: Find your MA legislator

Once you do that, here are some helpful instructions on what to say, including a script, at MTPC Calling Help   And for some help on what to write if you choose to email, click to the MTPC Newsletter page.