Gender

As many of our readers know, we’ve been doing some follow up on the Christine Daniel’s suicide story.  You can read our past coverage at “Christine Daniels, LA Times Sports Writer, dead, suicide suspected” and “Christine Daniels, LA Times Sports Writer Suicide: Follow Up Story”

The reason we’ve been following this is because her death was so unnecessary.  Well we’ve got more follow up.   Christine’s Church, MMC L.A., held a memorial service for her in January 2010.  The interview done by Autumn Sandeen of MMC L.A.’s Reverend Dr. Neal Thomas sheds a little more light on Christine and how she felt about herself after she transitioned.   You can check the story out at Pam’s House Blend; MMC L.A. Memorial Service For Christine Daniels

Harvard Business Review is about the most conservative of business journals.  Known for excellent writing and with useable information, their voice carries weight.  This is true for management practice and for dealing with the issue of having a transgender employee transitioning in the workplace.

The December 2008 issue of the Harvard Business Review features a case study, “When Steve Becomes Stephanie” in which they cover the issue of an employee in gender transition.  The intro is free but the actual study is $6.50 and downloadable from HBR.

Dr. Jillian Weiss, who was the keynote speaker at First Event Transgender Conference, has a nice review of the case study and some additional thoughts as well.  You can see her take at The Bilerico Project: “December Harvard Business Review Features “When Steve Becomes Stephanie”

At Beck’s Cafe we covered an earlier note about gender transition at Harvard Business Review, you can click to that write up here at Beck’s Cafe at the article, “Harvard Business Review and Transgender Workplace Issues“

It took me completely by surprise when I saw the clownfish image on Bing’s landing page one day.  Gorgeously colorful, eye catching, a stunning view of a fish.  Really way better in view than on a plate here at Beck’s Cafe during the lunch crowd.  But what I learned surprised me even more.   Clownfish change gender when they need to for their species survival.

Apparently the amazing Clownfish is “protandrous hermaphrodites” that is, it’s first a male then, at the right time for it’s species, changes it gender to female for pro-creation.  Yet another example from nature of our sometimes fluid gender in biology.  Interesting indeed.

Have a read for yourself at Wikipedia’s article:  Clownfish

As a tall woman, sometimes I feel a little, ah, conspicuous.   I fear comments like:

• “Hey hows the view from on high?”
• “You’re so tall that even in the summer time you still have snow on your head.”
• “I’m glad you’re tall. It gives me more of you to dislike.”
• “Do you have  enough oxygen way up there”

sigh

But when I’m near other tall women I just feel so …. normal.  It’s so nice

So it was a joy to learn I am keeping really good company with other tall women!  I learned this from Femulate’s List of Tall Women.  Staci has done a superb job of showing gals like me that being tall is not a detriment, it’s elegant.  If you are tall go have a look at her list, you’ll be encouraged to hold your head high and maybe even wear higher heels.

Andrea James and Calpernia Adams are two of the most influential women in our community.  Their positive effect on many of us is profound.  Through sites like tsroadmap, deep stealth productions and their everyday lives in the public they’ve given us good role models.  Role models of being unashamedly who we are without necessarily broadcasting it far and wide – just naturally living our lives as who we are as we wish.

So their latest work is thought provoking and likely to be fun, it’s a movie entitled, “Transproofed”.  From the movies editorial notes on Amazon:

Ava (Calpernia Addams) is a transsexual woman who has recently completed her transition. Her friend and mentor Joyce (Andrea James) has long advised her to get her apartment “transproofed,” a slang term for hiding all the evidence that she’s trans.

In Ava’s case, that’s a tall order: Ava came up through the club scene as a showgirl, and both Ava and her apartment are vibrant, sexy, and full of clues.

Ava calls Joyce for a last-minute transproofing because her hot new boyfriend Mike (Joel Lambert) is coming over for dinner that night. Joyce races over to help Ava give the place an ‘Extreme Ho Makeover’ more in Joyce’s aesthetic: plain and non-descript. Joyce reminds Ava that passing as female means blending in and not drawing attention to yourself. Both Ava and her apartment are garish and flashy, and the two set to work making it look like a drab straight girl’s apartment.

Set to the pulsing club single “Next,” they go from room to room, leaving no stone unturned: closets, medicine cabinets, bookshelves, and even the fridge. As Ava watches more and more of who she is being hidden from view, she starts to have second thoughts about how much she is willing to sacrifice to live “stealth,” where no one knows she is trans.

Will Ava be able to walk away from everything that made her who she is and start fresh? Or will she risk losing another guy she really likes by telling him she’s trans?

This movie sounds completely fun and though provoking.  You can pick up your own copy at the Transproofed site or at Amazon.

Mona Rae Mason is one of those woman you just want to get to know. When you see her picture her smile is inviting, her demeanor relaxed with a hint of high energy coiled up inside her. And she’s been the field coordinator for the National Development and Research Institutes’ The Transgender Project:

Over the years, psychologists and medical professionals have conducted numerous small-scale and highly focused studies of various segments of the Transgender Community, yet precious little is known about how we actually live our lives; who we are; what we do and why; where we come from; and where we are headed.

The Transgender Project is designed to describe the economic, social and personal, family and workplace experiences of male to female trans-persons, how these experiences change over the course of our lives, and the impact of these experiences on our mental and physical health.

(We perked up a post on The Transgender Project back in February 2006 before results were revealed)

While The Transgender Project is tightly focused on NY, the results are interesting in that, at some level, they certainly apply to the transgender community at large. Mona shared some of the results of The Transgender Project study with attendees of the Central New York Health Systems Agency’s, “LGBT Stories: Reflections and Voices from Within”. The program, from their site, is “designed to promote information-sharing among the LGBT community and service providers using a format of storytelling & open discussion”.

One point Ms. Mason shared was about how the lack of acceptance of trans-people, when they come out, can be devastating. But while we might think of this as emotional or physically abuse, it can be far worse: losing a place to live when you a young teen trans-woman and you end up on the street. Mona shared the following,

These young transgender women, expelled from the home or forced to leave, end up on the street, homeless and hungry. Cold and hunger drive people to do things they would otherwise never do. Sex work soon becomes the only means by which they can survive.

It comes as no news to anyone here in this room, that the greater the number of different sex partners one has, the greater one’s chance of contracting HIV or an STI become. But what may surprise you is that this condition of family initiated homelessness is primarily a cultural phenomenon predominate in the African American and Latina segments of the transgender community. This homeless situation, in conjunction with the inability to find employment and shelter, and relying on sex work for survival are some of the direct correlates to our findings that show us that 48.1% of African American and 49.6% of Latina transgender women in our study tested positive for HIV at baseline.

That fact is astonishing. It parallels some of the thoughts that Walter Bockting, WPATH President, shared in a recent interview in “The Body” and that we blogged about at Beck’s Cafe here. It’s about survival, safety and acceptance. Is it any surprise those are the three bottom parts of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

Mona had a few other thoughts to share as well. Depression, bi-polar disorder, personality disorders and other psychologically visible “abnormalities” can often be symptoms of not dealing with some inner real source of conflict and being transgender is one of those conflicts. The Transgender Project found that:

The rate of lifetime major depression in this study of male to female transgender persons was 54.3%. That is almost three times higher than the corresponding estimate for the general population….Suicide ideation for this same group was at 53.3%, again three times higher than the general population.

And she offers a challenges to health care providers and educators (and by proxy to each of us) who deal with glbt youth “but what of our gay and transgender kids who have left or quit school? Are we asking them, or even pushing them, to get that GED so they might be able to get a job, or are we just handing them condoms and telling them to be safe? That is simply not enough.”

Ms. Mason’s keynote is well worth a full read; so take your tall glass of ice coffee and please, have a read, you’ll be challenged to think and, possibly, to action. Mona’s keynote from the “LGBT Stories: Reflections and Voices from Within” conference is at her blog, “Mona Mason-Thoughts On Transgender” here.

I found the headlines to this article pretty provocative, “Women with high testosterone take more money risks” as seen in USA Today on August 24, 2009.    What struck me was how testosterone seemed to be the key indicator in risk taking.  The quote from one of the researchers is interesting:

Women with more testosterone tend to behave more like men when taking financial risks, according to a new study.

“Women with higher levels of testosterone turn out to be less risk averse, more willing to take risks,” Luigi Zingales of the University of Chicago said in a telephone interview.

What’s really interesting is that among men and women with relatively low levels of testosterone there was virtually no difference in risk taking.    Another interesting tidbit?   If you are married, your testosterone decreases to the non-risk taking level (maybe that is the real reason for those marriages without sex!)

It’s a fun article with eye opening results that will make you think what really does drive us?  You can read the piece at USA Today’s site at this link here.

July 2007 saw a long discussion among many of us in our Boston community (both trans-gender and cis-gender women) about the true measure of a woman.  I found the thoughts from some of the contributors in the article as interesting now as they were two years ago.  Sadly, Earlbecke has taken down her blog, Definitions, from which an exerpt in this post is written.    Some teasers from our article, “True Measure of a Woman” to wet your whistle:

• The most valuable pieces of my post that are worth sharing on “the true measure of a woman” comes not from my keyboard but from the keyboards of two other genetic women. I think their answers may challenge you.
• The reality is that there is no universal, essential experience of womanhood. The mainstream American feminist movement has often and rightly been criticized for ignoring the experience of women of color, queer women, poor women.
• What is this experience transwomen can never have or understand which makes them not “real” women in the social sense?
• If you really want to know the true measure of a woman is, it’s being a friend and looking out for each other.

There’s lots more so have a read and enjoy!   You may visit the article here:  “True Measure of a Woman”

(Amazingly cute photo courtesy of Hoyasmeg’s Photo’s ; Earlbecke is writing anew at Melted Dreams)

Walter Bockting is the President Elect of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health or WPATH for short. WPATH formerly known as the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, Inc. (HBIGDA) is a professional organization devoted to the understanding and treatment of gender identity disorders.  So when I saw an interview for Dr. Bockting I was all ears.  He has some interesting points to share both on transgender people and on HIV within our community:

• How large does WPATH estimate the transgender community is? “The entire transgender population is likely to be much larger, perhaps 1 in every 2,000″
• Is the rate of HIV among transgender persons high? “It may be closer to between 2-12% that are HIV-positive, but again that is why the CDC recently agreed to track transgender people better because we’ve got to get a better picture of the prevalence of HIV in this population. “
• Is the rate of alcohol and drug abuse higher in the transgender community than in the general population?
  Yes, it is higher among certain subgroups of the transgender population. For some, this is to cope with rejection and anticipated rejection. Others may use substances to overcome inhibitions related to shame and fear about being transgender.

It’s an interesting interview and an important read since WPATH is so influential in the lives of so many transgender persons, whether they know it or not.   You may read the full interview at the web site, “The Body” at this link to the interview here.

We’ve updated our post, “Gender Therapists – How do you choose?”  today.  We’ve linked in with an excellent set of resources for trans-youth and added a second resource for gender therapists in Massachusetts.

You can reach the updated article at Beck’s Cafe at this link: “Gender Therapist – How do you choose?“   Happy Reading

In a puzzling and shocking outcome, Professor Jennifer Berdahl of the University of Toronto reports that women who act like men get harrassed more at work than if women are just more stereotypically “womanly”.  Dr. Berdahl reports that:

BEHAVING like “one of the boys” to get ahead at work may not be the best strategy for women. A study had found that alpha-females are more likely to suffer sexual harassment.

Women who display what many regard as traditional male traits – such as assertiveness, independence and ambition – are more often the targets of sexual harassment than “feminine” women, the Canadian research has found. The situation is worst in workplaces dominated by men, where women with so-called masculine personalities – described in the study as “uppity” – suffered more than twice the harassment of other women.

Of course this begs the question, what if a woman is simply more masculined traited would her acting more stereotypically feminine get her someplace or would that be seen as non-stereo typical too?

The report goes on to say that:

“The more women deviated from traditional gender roles – by occupying a ‘man’s’ job or having a ‘masculine’ personality – the more they were targeted,” Dr Berdahl said. “Although having a masculine personality would seem to help employees fit into male-dominated work environments, having such a personality appears to have hurt the women in this study.”

But why is this? Accroding to Dr. Berdahl, it appears that sexual harrassment is not so much about sex it’s about punishing gender role deviance.

You can find the full report at Pscynet here or if your cheap (like we are at The Cafe) go here for the summary.

You may not know about them now, but you most certainly will in the future.  AGREAA stands for The Association for Gender Research, Education, Academia & Action.  They have an interesting charter that is multidisciplinary in approach. In their own words:

The Association for Gender Research, Education, Academia and Action (AGREAA) supports those who enrich the understanding of gender and sexuality by providing community space dedicated to the discussion of gender, professional development opportunities, and increased access to information.

One of their first projects was the very interesting, Trans-Academics.org, “a place where people of all genders can discuss gender theory, the trans community and its various identities, both as a part of the academic world and day-to-day life.”

And AGREAA now has an award under their bonnet, the Richard L. Schlegel National Legion of Honor Awards, awarded to “recognizes individuals living in the United States who have exhibited outstanding leadership and significantly contributed to the dignity and freedom of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people”.   Dr. Schlegal was a pioneer in GLBT rights.  You can read a bit more about him and the award at American University’s site here.

“Large gender differences in the propensity to choose challenging tasks … appear to be driven by gender differences in risk aversion and in confidence about the ability to perform a new and potentially difficult task.”

How’s that for a quote!

You can read the full article here, “Gender Differences: The Role of Institutions” but here are some snippets that might make you situp and take notice:

• “The psychological literature suggests that women and men may differ in ways that affect economic decisions such as their self-perception of ability”
• “Women may not only be less certain about their abilities but also more risk averse, and less willing to explore and test their abilities.”
• “the authors predict that reducing the expectation of up-front commitment may especially help high performing women to move into harder and more challenging tasks”.

(Photo courtesy of SillyDog Photos, used under Creative Commons License)

I never cease to be amazed at how good we have it in the U.S. being both citizens and transgender.   Certainly many of us are not doing as well as we could no question.  And certainly the U.S. could come further along in terms of rights and safety for those of us who are transgender.    But other countries have it far worse.

I happened on Juliet Victor Mukasa from Jay Sennett’s blog.   Juliett is transgender, works for human rights and LGBT rights and does it all in Uganda.  I can’t even imagine how hard it must be.   But maybe there really is nothing better than being who you are.   You can learn about Juliett Victor and what is going on in Ugandad by visiting the article, “On Transgender Human Rights Issues in Africa“

The Human Rights Campaign has released it’s second edition booklet, “Transgender Inclusion in the Workplace“. Authored by Samir Luther, the volume’s objectives are:

“Transgender Inclusion in the Workplace” provides human resource and other employment professionals with best practices for transgender workplace inclusion—from discrimination and benefits policies to internal practices that reflect how gender is expressed and integrated in the workplace—as well as the state of legal issues encompassing gender identity in employment situations. The guide also covers topics such as appropriate terminology with which to discuss gender identity and expression, the creation of policies that protect transgender workers from discrimination, and the expansion of diversity programs to include gender identity and expression.”

Now remember, this is the same HRC that supported a transgender inclusive ENDA but then chose to remove that support at the last minute – you can read the history and see lins from our coverage at Beck’s Cafe at these links here: ENDA Fallout restricts Title VII Claims; Baldwin Amendment & ENDA; Representative Tammy Baldwin speaks out on ENDA; ENDA: Barney Frank backs down, HRC commits, time bought; ENDA time to make some phone calls; Continued Coverage of ENDA: Sean Hannity, ADA and James Bird; Continued Coverage on ENDA: Robyn’s Story; Petition Drive to support complete ENDA; Transgender Rights Hailstorm

And this is also the same HRC who has become a big supporter of the The Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalitions (MTPC) work in helping us all to get Massachusetts HB1722, MA Transgender Civil Rights Legislation, approved. You can read about MTPC gaining HRC support at Bay Windows here.

You can download the booklet from the HRC site at our link here.

For some excellent analysis of the HRC “Transgender Inclusion in the Workplace” booklet, we’d suggest strolling over to Dr. Jilliam Todd Weiss’s blog, “Transgender Workplace Diversity” for her review of the HRC booklet. You can reach her review at her blog at this link here.

I met Dr. Spack at a party held by my friend Laura when she lived in Boston. I remember the night well as it was a typical Laura mash-up of transgender people, kids, college students, genetic people, authors, Drs. and the odd stray who happened to smell free food. In short, fun and always interesting.

Dr. Spack was about the coolest guy at the party. He listened, spoke with passion about the transgender community, and, was from Harvard University. From my brief meeting with him I started to understand that people alot smarter than me were seeing this whole GID thing, weighing the facts and taking it seriously. He helped me to see I wasn’t necessarily crazy. We’ve actually done an article here at Beck’s Cafe on Dr. Spack. You can read that article about a paper he presented at Lahey Clinic at Beck’s Cafe by clicking HERE.

So it was nice to see at Boston.com a Q&A interview with Dr. Spack. It’s a terrific piece and one I thought all our happy coffee swillers would enjoy reading. Some highlights:

• Dr. Norman Spack, 64, argues that transgender kids tend to be much happier – and less likely to harm themselves – when they’re able to live in their preferred gender role.
• Dr. Spack on trans-kids and suicide, “Transgendered kids have a high level of suicide attempts. Of the patients who have fled England to see me, three out of the four have made very serious suicide attempts. And I’ve never seen any patient make [an attempt] after they’ve started hormonal treatment.”
• Dr. Spack on being transgender and religion: “My own rabbi said it best: The transgendered are also created b’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God.”

You can trott over to Boston.com to read the full article by clicking to boston.com at this link here.

We’ve updated the article here at Beck’s Cafe, “Gender Therapists: How do you choose” with a wonderful article on helping teens choose a therapist. It’s a link at the end of the article.

Happy Re-Reading

The Nashua Telegraph did an excellent series on transgender neighbors. It’s very well done, and is about four or so articles. The commentary and letters to the editors are equally as good reading, providing an interesting look into what others think of the transgender community. It’s well worth a nice cup of mocha-java and a read. Here are the links:

• Taking a Look at the Transgender Community in NH
• The people you’ll meet
• Woman finding acceptance with herself
• Series Sheds Light on Hidden Population

It started innocently enough. Three guys, some with beards, hanging around a table, talking about the days events. If it was five-PM they’d have had beers in their hands. Then five trans-women walked up and asked if the three ladies had a good time at the conference. Ladies?

That story angered a couple named Mike and Natasha West. How could one group of transgender-women show a group of transgender-men such disrespect at a major national transgender conference they wondered? The answer, they determined, lay in lack of respect within the transgender community for each others changes. Surprisingly, for the “T” part of the LGBT community, this is harder than it looks. Mike and Natasha decided to take some action to influence the transgender community to change their own attitudes about respecting each other; male-to-females and female-to-males.

Mike and Natasha have both seen their own share of disrespect within the transgender community. In some sense, they form a small sample size for how disrespect is practiced within the community. For Mike that has taken the form of transgender women asking him, after he discloses to them his transgender status, why ’she’ would want to be a guy, why would ’she’ want to have such beautiful breasts removed and moving from the pronoun ‘he’ to ’she’. Natasha has been a victim of similar disrespect and witnessed similar events as well.

Mike’s three computers are humming in his office with various programs for his web and graphics design consulting firm as we talk. As he puts it, “The transgender community has the constant issue of dealing with respect, or mostly disrespect, from friends, family, loved ones and other members of the non-transgender community…All transgender people can relate to one another in at least some way, regardless of background. Each and everyone of us has had to deal with the looks, the gender slurs, the wrong pronouns and the rude remarks. The entire transgender community needs to respect one another. If that respect does not start with each and everyone one of us; how will we ever expect the non-transgender community to respect us?” But why does this happen at all when it appears that both transgender-women and transgender-men have similar paths?

Natasha’s sense for the cause is that both sides know the right thing to do in their hearts, but, “they have to break old ways. I think it takes a conscious effort to start and gradually it gets to become automatic”. She continued saying, “I believe low self-esteem and a lack of self-respect have alot to do with an overall lack of respect within our community. Kind of like, you can’t love others until you love yourself. The teenager in high school who picks on everyone to make himself or herself seem more popular, usually is hiding their own insecurities and flaws”. Both Mike and Natasha also highlighted that the seeds of disrespect are often sown in how people were raised as children. This baseline sense of disrespect for other people and their differences isn’t connected to being transgender or not but is rooted in deep learning at an early age. The unlearning of these lessons takes conscious effort. As they grew to understand this problem within the transgender community they realized they could be a part of the solution to improving it.

First, they co-authored a booklet, targeted at the transgender community, entitled, “Respect Starts with the Community”. This booklet encourages the transgender community to consider how to respect each other; male-to-females and females-to-males. Mike used inspiring quotes, clear guidelines and common sense examples to communicate the message of respect within the transgender community. The examples are particularly important as they provide a sense of modeling of what respectful behavior is. As Mike put it, “I felt it was necessary to spell the examples out. In my travels within the transgender and even non-transgender community, some people unfortunately do not have common sense. I think providing the examples is one of the best ways for people to get an insight on how others feel when they get disrespect. Sometimes, the examples, or stories are enough to wake some people up to different forms of disrespect”.

The booklet was the first practical step and the next was a natural outgrowth; live seminars on the topic. Mike and Natasha held one of their first seminars on disrespect within the transgender community in January 2007 at First Event 2007. First Event is one of the largest transgender and diversity conferences in the United States and is held each year in New England, usually in the Boston area. The seminar was very well attended among the 600 event goers at First Event, proving the topic of respecting others within the transgender community was more important than both Mike and Natasha had oringally believed. Mike noted the feedback they had gotten, “I have had many people come to me and say they had no clue that some of these things were going on. I have also had people tell me that they were unaware that some of the things listed in the book would be taken as disrespectful and often hurtful. And lastly in the process of talking about this topic, I have had some transwomen tell me that they are beginning to understand transmen a little more”.

The topic of disrespect within the transgender community is not one that anyone would generally think of as a hot button. And yet, respect is a fundamental need for every person and group. And, it’s fundamental to the transgender community actually supporting itself. As Natasha noted about the transgender community, “We can’t be united enough to stand up for ourselves as a whole as long as there is this rift that’s been caused due to disrespect within the community”.

© 2006 Beck’s Cafe, http://www.beckscafe.com

Okay so I haven’t yet started getting my official mailings from the AARP BUT I do get mailings from the LGBT aging project. The LGBT Aging Project is, in their own words:

The LGBT Aging Project works to ensure that LGBT elders and their caregivers have equal access to the benefits, protections, and aging programs, services, and institutions that their heterosexual neighbors rely on.

Typically, LGBT elder activists replicate existing, mainstream services and provide them directly to elders. This is very important work. But the LGBT Aging Project works from a different perspective: we focus on the significant aging services infrastructure and expertise that already exists. We believe that LGBT citizens and taxpayers should have full access, and a real choice about whether or not to use it. And we teach the system how and why to create an LGBT-friendly atmosphere and culturally appropriate programs and services.

One little thing they are doing, which sounds totally cool, is to sponsor an OUT to Brunch, a gathering of Lesbian, Bi and Trans-women over 50. It sounds neat…here are the details and how to get more info:

• When is the event? Saturday September 29, 2007
• What are the times? 11 am to 1 pm
• Where is the event? Christopher’s, 1920 Mass Ave (Porter Square), Cambridge, MA
• What is the Cost? $5 (Includes coffee/tea, juice and brunch entrée)

Reservations required:

Give Lisa Krinsky a call at the LGBT Aging Project at (617) 522-6700 x307 or email: LKrinsky@ethocare.or

Well you know you’ve hit the big time when Harvard falls in line with Transgender Support. Their web page in support of transgender students is well done. You can check out their page by clicking to Harvard’s Transgender Resource Page.

And this is from the university that brought you the controversy on manliness and The New Feminism.

I’ll lift a mug of java to the progress shown I’d say!

We’ve shared a cup of coffee and conversation together about Christine Daniels here at Beck’s Cafe before. You can catch up with that past talk by skipping back to our May 21st entry about Christine at Beck’s Cafe at this link HERE. But this new article in Alternet, that is fresh on the wire as of August 1st, 2007, is a little different.

Alternet does what alot of other stories have done, covering Gender Identity Disorder and being a Transexual from the medical side and covering some of Ms. Daniels public disclosure. But the author, John Ireland, goes much further in giving an excellent survey history of transexual women in sports, and, the unexamined but very real culture of bigotry that exists in the culture of sport. He goes further to discuss those two areas in the context of Christine’s challenges today as a transexual woman sportswriter. The article is very well written and very informative.

Grab a cup of coffee and jog over to Alternet to read the article at this link HERE.

Helen Boyd, author of “My Husband Betty” and “She’s not The Man I Married” will be visiting New England! I met Helen and her partner Betty at First Event 2007 where she was the events keynote speaker. They are very cool people to hang out with and to talk to. I’m sure Helen’s talk will be well worth your taking the time to see her. Here’s the details:

• When: Tuesday August 7th
• Where: Triangle Transgender Society, 16 River Street, Norwalk CT 06852 (The Triangle Community Center)
• Time: 7PM-10PM
• Donation: $5.00
• RSVP: Email The Triangle Transgender Society to give them a count on who’s coming, triangletgs@yahoo.com

I belong to a few Yahoo Groups and most of them are pretty good. I actually belonged to more but had to cut back about a dozen as I was really not contributing very much. But a recent thread on the topic of the “true measure of a woman” was well posted in one group and has led to a wonderful discussion on this topic. While some of the excellent posts from others cannot be shared at Beck’s Cafe for reasons of confidentiality, this one, by me can be. But let me explain what I’m sharing, so that it appears less like the shameless promotion I’m so well known for ( a friend who had seen the movie, “Thank You for Smoking“ actually compared me to the PR Person for the smoking companies!)

The most valuable pieces of my post that are worth sharing on “the true measure of a woman” comes not from my keyboard but from the keyboards of two other genetic women. I think their answers may challenge you.

First let’s hear from a genetic woman, earlbecke, from who’s blog, “Definition” this piece come from:

The reality is that there is no universal, essential experience of womanhood. The mainstream American feminist movement has often and rightly been criticized for ignoring the experience of women of color, queer women, poor women. None of us have grown up or been raised the same way. None of our experiences have been exactly the same or meant the same thing to us, impacted us in the same ways.

My experience as a biracial, queer, ex-Mormon feminist can’t be compared to a straight, white, Christian woman. It can’t be compared to a woman who grew up in poverty, or another culture, or another part of the world. We are not the same. There is no unifying thread which connects us, nothing magical or spiritual binding us all in sisterhood with one another except those threads we weave ourselves, those bridges that we build, and our shared humanity, which, might I remind you, we also share with men.

What is this experience transwomen can never have or understand which makes them not “real” women in the social sense? We can’t argue it’s dependent on the presence or absence of female sex organs; there are women with birth defects and women without wombs. There are women who have been victims of Female Genital Mutilation. There can be women born with ambiguous genitalia. And, so, there can be women with male sex organs, too.

An appeal to blood is useless here for the reasons stated above: not all women, even cisgendered women, bleed. Some women have reproductive health issues. Some women have been through menopause. Not all of us bleed the same way. I can hardly relate to women for whom menstruation is a horrible, agonizing ordeal — for me, it is something I hardly even think about. Given the huge amount of physical variation, the ultimately subjective nature of our interactions with our own bodies, I hardly think a woman born with a penis can be much different from me than a woman with endometriosis. Both are foreign. Both are certainly women.

There is no biological congruence. There is no identical socialization. Even women who have endured the same event will process it differently, come to different conclusions. Nobody is an island, but neither are any of us the same. It’s been argued that no one can ever truly understand another person, and I agree. Given that, how can anyone really believe there’s anything essential that ties all women together? Even if we all emerged from the same common background, I don’t think that would be true. [ed. - you can read the full post at Definition blog by visiting this link here].

And now a word on this topic from my wife, partner and best friend. This is what she had to say when I ran this by her:

If you really want to know the true measure of a woman is, it’s being a friend and looking out for each other. It’s making sure you are all safe and don’t have to go to places like you described. If you really want to be a friend, make a safe path for other transgender friends. For example, my seven closest friends are all there for each other when we need it. Two of us have had cancer, another numerous family deaths, and all of us deal with daily life. If any of us needed something we would call each other and stick together. Even a potato! We come from all
walks of life and yet we help each other out”.

As a transgender woman living in the United States I often have a kind of view that is centered on here in the United States. That’s not a bad thing given that I live and make a living here in the United States. But from time to time I wonder, how do other trans-folk feel about themselves? Do they have the same view as to the source of our GID (gender identity disorder) as we do or is our view in the United States decidedly more “western”.

A 2006 study published by Sam Winter BSc, PGCE, MEd, PhD, Division of Learning, Development and Diversity, Faculty of Education, University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong, in the International Journal of Transgenderism: Volume: 9 Issue: 2, 2006 (see abstract at that journal here) helped to shed some interesting light on this topic for me, as I hope it does for you. The results may surprise you in how similar across the world those who are transgender really are.

The study was done in Thailand. Now for those of you in the transgender world, Thailand is seen, by many in the United States, as a sort of transgender mecca. Fully tolerant with surgery and life options that make integrating mostly easy. That’s the perception anyway.

In Dr. Winter’s study one hundred and ninety-five transgender females (i.e., male-to-female transgenders (or MtF TGs)), with an average age of about 25 years, completed a questionnaire examining, what they believed about the attitudes of parents and society towards them and what they thought may have caused them to have Gender Identity Disorder. First let’s look at the acceptance statistics.

Thai Mothers tallied at the top on accepting their child’s condition with 62.9% accepting or encouraging their children who showed transgender traits. Thai Fathers had an interestingly high number as well, at 40.7% accepting or encouraging.

On the causal front, 84% believed that biology played a role in their being transgender. Interestingly, friends and karma were also commonly endorsed as explanatory factors as well, with 50% for the latter and 48.4% for the former.

All in all, interesting reading on how similar we may all be after all. You can reach the full abstract at Th International Journal of Transgenderism at this link HERE.

In case you missed it Christine Daniels, of the L. A. Times, has put up a blog. From the blogs description:

Christine Daniels is a veteran sportswriter who has worked at the Los Angeles Times for 23 years — as Mike Penner. Christine shocked many readers on April 27, 2007, when she announced her decision to change gender. She will be blogging about her transition over the days to come.

Fun reading You can reach Ms. Daniels blog at by clicking to the L.A. Times from this link HERE. (p.s. bring a cup of mochajava with you!)

In case you missed it. The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, Inc. (HBIGDA) has changed it’s name to The World Professional Association for Transgender Health or WPATH.

Their new address on the web is : http://www.wpath.org/

And, if you don’t know, WPATH is, in their own words:

is a professional organization devoted to the understanding and treatment of gender identity disorders.

We have approximately 500 members from around the world, in fields such as medicine, psychology, law, social work, counselling, psychotherapy, family studies, sociology, anthropology, voice therapy, sexology and other related fields

And, their bi-ennial symposium is in the USA this year! It’ll be held in Chicago, September 5th through September 8th at the Embassy Suites Hotel. The hotel is in downtown and a short walk to Navy Pier and Michigan Avenue. The theme for the conference is: “Looking to the Future: Environment, Transplantation, Telepsychiatry”

Here are some of what will be talked about:

• Dr. Walter Bockting on Spectrum vs Dichotomy
• Dr. Stan Monstrey – Surgery Overview and State of the Art
• Dr. Randi Ettner – Children of Transsexuals
• Dr. Richard Green – Nature versus Nurture

Surprisingly you do not have to be a physician to join. You can be on the latest cutting edge developments in the field of Gender Identity Disorder by joining as a supporting member!

Supporting membership is available to individuals who do not work in the professional disciplines listed above, but still have an interest in being an active member of the organization. Supporting membership costs $110 (US) per year, and carries no voting privileges.

Get it on the fun by visiting the WPATH site at this link HERE.

JPMorgan Chase has done some interesting work on the actual cost for transexual healthcare we just stumbled on here at the cafe. It’s a good read over your monring coffee. They presented the eye opening facts at the 2006 Out and Equal Workplace Advocates Seminar.

If at first blush your response is, “I didn’t know this wasn’t covered” or “Why the heck should it be covered” consider this:

• Most health plans do not cover transexual health care

• Employers considering including such benefits are concerned the cost is either unknown or simply too high to be able to afford

• No good data exists on the actual costs to be able to make an informed decision

The slide deck, in pdf, is an interesting read well worth your time. It covers data that was collected on what the costs are, what some major companies actually paid out for health benefits for the transgender community, assessment on prevelance rates and more.

So go see our barista, grab a mug (this one is on the house) and have a read of the deck, “The Cost of Transgender Health Benefits” by JP Morgan, by going to the Out and Equal link HERE.

Sometimes the pain of Gender Dysphoria just…hurts

The feeling of inside loneliness is so extreme you can’t even think sometimes. You feel like you simply aren’t there. It’s like your watching yourself move. You just wish that this strange background noise would go away and that you were just “here” or “present” again. Every attempt to cope comes with a bagfull of complications that makes the word “choice” almost absurd ; the trans-persons choices to cope are all pyrrhic.

Worse perhaps, your pain gets reflected onto your partner. Your partner; your damn best friend, becomes collateral damage. They start to hurt like someone abducted you and there was no note left behind. Just a cruel emptiness. The concept of the transgender person “still being there, just look on the inside of us” is simply not true. We aren’t there for them and we can’t even hardly be there for ourselves many times. Our partner’s feelings of helplessness to rescue us without destroying themselves makes their lives as nearly as unlivable as the transgender person’s becomes. Our partners just wish we were present again. They just wish we were here again.

Wish You Were Here

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.

(pink floyd, “wishing you were here”, 1975)
(Wishing You Were Here music video, Pink Floyd Live)

Women’s eNews has a wonderful op-ed piece on the differences in gender coverage that the news makes. It’s well worth a read and you can visit the Women’s eNews article, “Memo: Nancy, Hillary Are More Than Elected Moms”, here, but first a few snippets to whet your reading appetite:

After Nancy Pelosi’s historic election as Speaker of the House, the Washington Post described her as a “grandmother of five.”

The Post didn’t refer to her as a “20-year veteran of Congress,” which probably had more to do with her election.

Meanwhile, the Post described Harry Reid, the new Senate leader, as the “son of a hard-rock miner” with no mention of Reid’s 16 grandchildren.

Imagine how differently the story would read if it began “Pelosi, daughter of a mayor” and “Reid, grandfather of 16.”

And here’s another interesting quote to think about relative to how gender neutral is our news coverage from the article:

The Sunday after Pelosi’s inauguration, the New York Times’ feature opinion piece written by New Republic senior editor Ryan Lizza purported to question the Democratic strategy of electing a pack of new “alpha” male Democrats in Congress. But Lizza’s opinion takes as fact that strength and leadership are “masculine” traits, to be contrasted with the image of the Democrats as the weak “mommy party.”

The suggestion was clear that male is strong; female–used interchangeably with “nurturing”–is weak.

Not surprisingly the gender differences in news reporting have not escaped the mind of researchers (one gets the visual cue of a bespecklad gray haired woman in white trench coat, coke bottle glasses tight to her eyes as she pours through endless charts of numbers, sifting them for answers). In a report from Michigan State University dated July 15, 2004, “MSU researchers find gender bias in coverage of political races”, some interesting findings were revealed from examining media coverage of political campaigns in four states; Oregon, Michigan, Illinois, and Minnesota (the press release for the report is at MSU at this link here):

• Three quarters of stories citing nonpartisan sources cited only men, while 9 percent cited only women. The rest used at least one man and one woman.

• Female experts who were cited got fewer paragraphs for their assertions than males, a two paragraph average for males and less than half a paragraph for females.

• No female expert appeared in more than one story, while male experts appeared repeatedly.

Of course none of this tells us why this is happening just shows us it is happening. It’s a little beyond the scope (or budget) for the good barista’s here to froth up a full bore study but here’s a few thoughts that might pique your own thinking. Perhaps when women are seen as nurturing, their views on our personal lives, in a one-to-one session, are received as nurturing. However, in a more public venue perhaps they are not received nearly as much so because there is no perceived sense of threat or danger on the part of the male listener. If there is no threat of being usurped or dominated why worry and why pay much attention? In the case of other women, they may receive and trust another women’s views more so as part of mutually accepting and supporting each other.

Another view is the issue of how much women are perceived to have talked. They key here is “perceived”. In Deborah Tannen’s Book, “You Just Don’t Understand; Women and Men in conversations“. She notes on page 77 that, “Studies have shown that if women and men talk equally in a group, people think the women talked more”. Like it or not, it may be that men simply wrongly perceive that women have said enough. In their minds the reporting is indeed equal. When in fact it is not.

Bias in the media is alive and well to this day. How is your own listening, and accepting of what is said, towards men and women in your life. Do you filter what is said, or bias it yourself? Maybe the media bias will change when men realize that a women’s views on the world are indeed different but just as valid and normative as their own. When that day fully comes there may be a better perspective on the world reported for all our own benefit.

Virginia, who is completing her final year in a Masters in Social Work program at Smith College has launced a study of violence, stress and gender identity. She could use your help to fill out her data set. The best part? You can do it anonymously from your computer. So give it a go You can visit her site where the study is by clicking this link here. To go right to the study, you can click this link here. If you have any questions, you can email Virginia directly by way of clicking to her email address at … virginia@transstudy.com

I found a highly informal poll done on cross-dressers, and performed via Yahoo Answers! UK & Ireland, very interesting. The sample size is tiny, but, it is highly random. Of course, those who answered may be predisposed to answer the way they did (ahh, statstics….) still, I found this encouraging. There were 11 respondants and they were all quite supportive that someone should not “confront a cross-dresser, be they male or female, just on their own beliefs”. You can have a look at the entire poll results by clicking over to it at Yahoo Answers, UK and Ireland, at this link HERE.

Fenway Health’s T-Social: “We live in a Vibrant Culture “
Thursday, February 15 6 to 9 p.m.

Connect with the Boston area’s transgender, transexual, gender queer,
gender non-coforming, crossdresser, SOFFA, friends and allies of anyone
who crosses mainstream society’s notions of “gender” for a “T-Social”.

Representatives from Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD),
Pathways to Wellness, The Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition
(MTPC), Fenway Community Health Transgender Health Program, and JobNet Boston employment
advisors, and others will be on hand to answer your questions and
address your concerns.

A note on the employment advisor. JobNet Boston will have an employment
counselor at a table with information and people can ask questions to
one of their employment and career counselors. Attendees can find out
about training available from JobNet. Fenway has spoken to them about
the needs of the Trans community especially (women). They have an
introduction to computer training available free and they want to help
with resumes and some offices have a clinician working with them.
Employment advisors will answer all questions about the office and how
to find a job.

Where is the event? Milky Way Lounge and Lanes, 403-405 Centre Street,
Jamaica Plain, 02130

When is the event? Thursday February 15, 2007, from 6PM – 9PM

For more information call J. T. Vincent at (617) 927-6218 or email livingwell@fenwayhealth.org

This social is free and open to the public. Food will be served.

If your going to First Event 2007 and haven’t signed up yet you should! The discounted early registration deadline ENDS Sunday 12/10/06. So sign up for registration at the Official First Event Web Site this by clicking to this link HERE.

For those of you who don’t know, there are a number of transgender conferences that run throughout the year. Conferences such as Southern Comfort Conference, The Lake Erie Gala, California Dreamin, Be All, Fantasia Fair, Sparkle, and many others get attendance anywhere’s from 300 to over 1000+ every year. The goals for most of these are to educate the transgender community on a range of topics, to give many a chance to be with others who share the same Gender Identity Disorder (whether they be Male-to-Female or Female-to-Male) and finally for people to have a chance to have fun. The attendees are a rich mixture of transgender folk and those who are not and that lends for an outstanding opportunity to learn about others and to learn about ourselves.

The Boston area hosts a number of these events and the one that runs first is Tiffany Club of New England’s (TCNE) First Event. Sponsored by TCNE and worked on by a hive of volunteers, this year’s First Event is being held at the Burlington Boston Marriott, in Burlington MA, January 17th-21st, 2007. To check in on what is happening at this event go check out their official web site by clicking to it as this link HERE.

So what do you think femininity is anyway? Is it the same as femaleness? This quote,from Feminist Reprise, might start your thinking:

Femininity is men’s idea of what women should look like, not a description of how women actually are—that’s why it’s so much freakin’ work. Femininity has nothing to do with femaleness, which is why drag queens and transsexuals are able to adopt it. And women who are unable and/or unwilling to do femininity convincingly have a life experience of ridicule and ostracization from men, avoidance and fear from other women for being lesbians (whether we are or not), and serious difficulty getting and keeping professional jobs regardless of our qualifications–all of which give the absolute lie to the assertion that conforming to femininity is a “choice.” (source: Feminist Reprise)

There’s alot in that quote to digest and the article as a whole. The piece I’d like us to consider though is that part about conformance. Conforming to standard thoughts and roles on being feminine (or masculine for that matter) and if they matter in society. My thought is that they probably do, at least as a starting basis.

As kids grow they are finding themselves and trying to figure out the world for themselves. And they naturally choose what society projects to them is the norm or the standard for their gender and for what they are trying to do. I think it’s not just society at large (with the incredible influence from advertising) but also smaller peer groups too. The geeks look pretty similar, as do the jocks, the goths and the preppies. Why is that? Conformity, and conforming to how the group will accept you. Acceptance for who we are is a powerful thing in our lives as is acceptance by a peer group for who they think us to be.

I would submit that as trans-women and trans-men that same thing is happening to each of us – how the hell DO we look, act, or smile? The way to at least start is to look at the culture and those around us and learn, like anyone else does. And that generally means conforming to cultural norms. It seems to me that once we do that, as difficult and conformist as that is, then we can figure out own style or way of being if you will.

Back to conforming to femininity though. Is conforming to society standards for femininity what needs to be done or is it a matter of what you want to do? And what the hell is that list of standard femininity anyway?

Here’s another woman’s opinion. Her name is Jennifer Dziura and she’s got some interesting things to say on this topic:

There is also, however, privilege involved in conforming to norms of masculinity (and, as has often been observed, being a tomboy is usually more socially acceptable than being a sissy). And masculinity has, of course, changed greatly over the years (Louis XIV wore tights and, if he’d had a car, wouldn’t have fixed it himself all greasy-James-Dean-style).

And if you reject norms of femininity and masculinity but enjoy the companionship of other humans, you’ll probably find yourself in some kind of academic queer/feminist circle with privilege awarded to those who conform to much, much stricter standards of conformity (here one could digress about (some) lesbians-hating-on-bisexuals, or men being physically barred from campus women’s resource centers, or the disturbing trend of liberal academic institutions to perniciously censor conservative speakers or silence any speech that might be offensive to anyone, or feminist charges of “betrayal” to women who marry, have children, or, god forbid, stay home to raise them; incidentally, I was once bitched out by a co-chair of my university’s LGBT organization for using “LGBT” and “queer” as synonyms, because “LGBT” didn’t include asexual, intersexed, and possibly other groups of queer people).

There is, to continue on this track, a certain amount of privilege in conforming to anything, which is why people conform. Basically by definition. (source: On the Topic of Femininity)

Here’s a thought, maybe the answer to the riddle of what is femininity is something more like this:

It’s not about if you conform or don’t conform but it is about how are you true to yourself? Do you feel comfortable in your own skin enough to not hide in the dark but to be a light in the world? How are you adding value to other’s lives? How are you helping to turn over the dark, ugly places in the world to make them shiny, And how are you blessing the world around you? How are you making it a more beautiful place for you and others to live in? Maybe it’s not so much about what’s on the outside as it is about what’s on the inside of your heart. How’s that “conforming” to being someone others would like to be with, would be drawn to, despite your pink eye shadow, Martha Stewart looks or even “Give ‘em Hell” tattoo.

(photo courtesy of Semshine’s Photos, used under Creative Commons license)

I was absolutely astounded to read at BlogHer in an article written by Kim Pearson about Iranian women being stoned due to what is essentially their gender. The women are being stoned to death due to crimes against chastity, namely, adultery. Now I personally think adultery is wrong but that’s a matter to be handled between two people not at the dull end of a hunk of granite

I dug into this a bit further and it’s interesting. Apparently stoning isn’t even prescribed as a punishment in the Quran for adultery. So that tells me that these women are being punished because of their gender, because someone in Iran decided that the women were expendable. You can read the article detailing this topic on being stoned and the Quran at the Islamic Blog, Eteraz, by clicking here.

To read Amnesty International’s full coverage of this issue please click to the story at Payvand’s Iran News here. Danielle Crittendon has blogged about this as well in her blog at this link here.

So what to do? You may be surprised there are indeed actions you can take that may help. Eteraz, the Islamic blog mentioned earlier, has an article with detailed suggestions on what you can do. You can read the full text of the article by clicking to it at this link HERE. Here are some excerpts:

• Sign the petition to spare the lives of two of these women. Eteraz has the links in the article
• Submit a letter to the Supreme Iranian Leader Ayatollah Khamein, Eteraz has a sample letter you can use and the email address.
• Go to the website of the Ministry of Justice in Iran and post your desire that these women be spared, once again Eteraz has the link and an example you can use

The date of the stoning appears to be October 12^th or anytime thereafter. Please act now.

There is an amazing source of information available to anyone dealing with the transgender spectrum, be they practitioners or people and that is The Official Journal of the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, the International Journal of Transgenderism. While the journal is now published by Hawthorne Press, the archives of material from 2002 is still on line and, let me tell you, it is great reading. From time to time I’ll feature material from the journal as it is too rich a source to leave untapped. In respect of copyright laws, I won’t put the full articles here, but I’ll be refering to them. You may view the archive yourself of course by clicking directly to it at this linke here.

For the first mining of this treasure I’d like to present what will be a controversial topic, in my opinion, for many of you reading this. It certainly was for me. The piece is entitled, “What I Did For Love: Temporary Returns to the Male Gender Role”. And is the remarkable story of Laura Davis. She transitioned at age 60 (so there’s still hope for me apparently) and then found herself in a very important life choice, should she, indeed could she, live for a time as male in order to help her wife in a difficult career situation? Would you switch back to your incorrectgender to help someone you love? What circumstances might drive you to do it?

I’ll leave you with this teaser from Laura’s writing:

I can do now for love what would have been impossible ten years ago. My gender essence has consolidated to that of female but the public presentation of a female identity is less important than my love for my Judy. As needed to not hinder my wife’s ministry, I have and will continue to gladly adopt a male identity temporarily. Like Jim, [from the story by O. Henry, "The Gift of the Magi"], I can pawn my watch for my beloved

It’s a provocative story and one that encourages any of us under the transgender umbrella to think about what each of us might do for love. For the full story, please click to this link here.

(Picture courtesy of Nadar’s Photos, used under Creative Commons License)

Just a reminder, BATS, the Boston & Cambridge Area Trans Support group focused exclusively on transgender college-age students and twentysomethings, is starting in September 2006. You can learn more about BATS by clicking to this link HERE.

“It’s finally happened. My husband has turned into a grumpy old man.” That headline opened a very interesting essay in the June 26, 2006 Wall Street Journal regarding “Cranky Old Men and Happy Old Women”. The well written essay, by Ellen Graham, is about her husband coming to grips with his aging and the differences in their approach to aging. The article made me pause to think about if there is truth behind this, what the implications might be and what do we do about it? I mean, who wants to be cranky all the time? How much fun can that be?

Current research says that men and women are equally happy when they age. The Pew Research Center, released in February 2006, the results of a study on happiness (you can read the report at the Pew site by clicking this link here. A number of areas were covered including gender and aging. In that report they noted that:

There is virtually no difference in happiness by gender and only a bit of variance in happiness by age. But the age data run counter to the prevailing ethos of the popular culture, which is forever extolling the blessings of youth.

I think there are things that seem to always decline with age that can seem to make us cranky. Take our hair for instance. Generally it thins, we lose it, or it changes to white! Ahh, the old gray mare. I much prefer the biblical admonition, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31). Or how about our memories. “Where did those keys go that I swear I put down on this table”. Had any of those moments lately? But it’s how we deal with them that might best determine how cranky or happy we are as we age. While it appears that women (generally) will roll with such lapses, men (generally) seem to take the decline harder, as a personal affront almost. After years of being forced to fill a role of high performance and competence, men find, as they grow older, they are treated as if they are slipping. They may be perfectly fine and operating at the same levels as years before, but how they are treated makes the difference. The apparent loss of place and status may make them a bit cranky or maybe even make them feel aimless and somewhat hopeless. I wonder how the increasing number of older women executives will deal with this issue since in the work world they are under no less stress to perform.

So perhaps it is all about our attitude then – regardless of gender. A recent interview at the Boost website of Dr. Royda Crose, Ph.D., might help our understanding. Dr. Crose retired from Ball State University in Indiana, where she was director of the Center for Gerontology and associate director of the Fisher Institute for Wellness. She is also author of the book, “Why Women Live Longer than Men, and What Men Can Learn From Them”. In her interview at Boost, she had this to say about attitude and aging:

“Attitude is very important during any phase of life – but particularly as we grow old. For men and women alike, attitude can have a very great impact on health in either a positive or negative way,” she says. “The good news for all of us is that the ability to have a positive attitude is very much under our control. The big question is how you motivate someone to put that positive attitude into action.”

However, even Dr. Crose points out that women seem to have an aging advantage. It’s not related to physical ability, genetics, or mental agility. It seems to be related to experience in life and making lemonades when life hands you lemons. In her excellent review of Dr. Crose’s book, Dr. Joan Saks Berman, Ph.D., notes the following (Dr. Berman’s full and very informitive review can be found at her site here):

Women, on the other hand, have learned coping skills and ways to survive in a sexist society that serve them well in an ageist society. Until men join women as equal partners in all dimensions of life, they won’t succeed in closing the longevity gap. The longevity of a species seems to be based on ability to be open to and to contribute to the well-being of the whole system. Flexibility and resilience seem to be concepts that explain gender differences in longevity. This includes the ability to recover from misfortune and to creatively live life in spite of disease and stress. Flexibility in emotional health means working at finding joy, laughter, and humor in aging life experiences. Flexibility in spiritual or religious beliefs enables the older person to accept the inevitable losses and tolerate the increased diversity encountered in new living environments or in an ever-changing world.

So there really are cranky old men and happy old women and now you know a bit more about why and what to do about it. So whether male or female, there’s no reason to be cranky and unhappy as you age. Both genders can age gracefully and happily. It’s all about your attitude and giving to others in their well being, things all of us can do as we age.

(Photo courtesy of Welfl’s Photos, used under Creative Commons License)

By some quirk of fate, I’m actually starting to get connected with people far younger than I who are transgender. It’s astonishing and frankly refreshing to interact and see them. They are singularly amazing young women and their parents are saints. So to that end, I thought a few links relative to transgender youth and young adults would be helpful to some of you. Oh and these links have some great information for adults who are transgender as well, so don’t be afraid to poke around.

By the by, in case you are a somewhat older trans person in the position of knowing someone younger you have ALOT to give them. A good role model, career advice, experiences you’ve had that they may value from. You’ve got alot to add to them, just reach out

TG Chrysalis: Great site with a decidedly Christian bent. Very informative and useful information for parents and teens.

Antijen: There’s so much here to look at and learn from, grab a coke and sit for a bit to wade through it

Mermaids: UK site for transgender youth, thoughful, educational, and truthful

B.A.T.: A new support group starting in the Fall of 2006 focused exclusively on transgender college-age students & twentysomethings in the Boston/Cambridge area

A friend of mine and I were gabbing on the phone about some things we’d like to do to better the transgender community where we live. We were brainstorming discussion groups we’d like to lead, organizations with very focused missions, and the general state of how to better the transgender community in the Boston area.

Well, wouldn’t you know that this same topic would come up while I was reading Helen Boyd’s blog, (EN) Gender.  I stumbled upon her post entitled “Three More Ways” which talked about how the National Center for Transgender Equality is in the process of listing a total of 52 Things You Can Do for Transgender Equality. I’ve posted a few here to wet your reading appetite:

#1: Take a Trans Person to Lunch

Or dinner, coffee or afternoon tea. Where and when you go doesn’t matter, but connecting with another person does. Networking strengthens our activism and reminds us why we are doing this work, plus you might make a new friend. So, maybe think of that person in your support group, the cross dresser who doesn’t always talk but is such a great listener”why not get to know her better? What about the transman who volunteered at that event you went to”what about saying thanks to him? How about that college student from the genderqueer organization—seems like an interesting person? Or a person from a group thats very different than your own”how about finding out what makes them tick? You get the idea. Think of folks you dont yet know well and drop them an e-mail or give them a call. Lets start our year of activism with that all important human contact. In future weeks, we’ll include resources on how to put the ideas into action, but we’re sure you’ve got this one covered. So, make plans this week to take a trans person to lunch.

Here’s another one that is a real issue for trans-folk but to which you can really help:

#25: Make a Restroom More Accessible to Trans People

Recently I walked into the offices of a very transgender-friendly group, and yet there was still a restroom problem. There were two single use restrooms, one labeled for men, the other for women. When I pointed it out, they said that they thought transgender people could just use whichever one they felt comfortable with. They were very flexible about restroom usage but hadn’t thought through what their signs conveyed.

The Transgender Law Center has a great resource on bathroom issues called, Peeing in Peace: A Resource Guide for Transgender Activists and Allies. It has a wealth of information on everything from how to handle difficult situations in restrooms to how to take action to make policy changes. You can go to their website and click on the box marked “Peeing in Peace” or follow the link above to view or download download the whole document or a summary.

This issue is important because we need safe places to use the restrooms and because it challenges the assumption that everyone fits neatly into a category. When agencies, schools, and groups make clear that their restrooms are safe places for transpeople, they send a message that they are genuinely welcoming to trans people, they’ve considered our needs and planned ahead for our participation.

The group I mentioned at the beginning has already started talking to the other agencies they share space with about their intentions to change the signs. This week, let’s take steps to make restrooms more accessible to trans people.

Other neat ideas include:

• #2: Ask your library to carry books that deal positively with trans people
• #11: Hold a workshop on how to effectively advocate for yourself when seeking medical care or therapy
• #14: Preach or speak at a local community of faith, such as a synagogue, church or mosque
• #18: Educate a local homeless shelter about how to be trans inclusive
• #21: Start a local support or education group

You can find this work in process article at the National Center for Transgender Equality web site by clicking to this link HERE.

By the by, this is not about special rights. This is only about equal rights. Indeed for many of us these are simply the same rights we had prior to coming out. We just want them restored that’s all.

(52 Things graphic used courtesy of National Center for Transgender Equality website)

“You run like a girl” often implies that the person running (be they girl or boy) runs a little less then optimally shall we say. Such a term would never be implied to such amazing athletes as Joan Benoit, Grete Waitz, Paula Radcliffe, Svetlana Masterkova, or Rita Jeptoo. Of course if you ran like any of the women I just listed you’d want to run like a girl!

But what if you had a chance to run as a boy and then as a girl? Does gender matter in athletics for performance? Without going into the science behind it one woman knows both, as Runner’s World wrote in this excellent article on Janet’s Furman’s life, her transition, and her being an athlete:

Ever wonder how much faster (or slower) you’d run if you were the opposite sex? Janet Furman Bowman may be the only runner in America who knows.

You can read Janet’s incredible story at this Runner’s World article by clicking to it HERE.

(picture courtesy of M_M_Mnemonic and used under Creative Commons License)

A new support group is starting in the Fall of 2006 focused exclusively on transgender college-age students and twentysomethings!

The Boston & Cambridge Area Trans Support, BATS, is a peer-run support group for young college-age and twentysomething transgender people in the Boston and Cambridge Massachusetts area. It is inclusive of those who are questioning their gender, from MTF to FTM to genderqueer to whatever gender description you prefer. It is for those who are seeking others of similar age for support in realization of one’s gender identity, help with coming-out, transition concerns, and anything else that members wish to bring up. BATS is an LGBTIQ friendly safe space, with confidentiality respected among members. For more information please email Abigail at afran@mit.edu You may also join their Yahoo discussion/email list at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/boston-area-trans-support

(note: this is a sticky post set to remain at the top of Beck’s Cafe until 7-10-06 when it will return to it’s normal dated rotation)

Dr. Jillian Todd Weiss blogs at Transgender Workplace Diversity. Her site is targeted at HR and Diversity Professionals, but I find it to be a great read for the common trans-person just looking for information, ideas and developments in this subject area. All of the posts are well worth your time reading and thinking about over a nice cup of ice coffee, but one in particular really caught my attention and it may you as well.

The post is “Issue: Draft Transition Plan” and it covers how a company might make itself prepared for an employee that decides to transition on the job. It’s part of a series Dr. Weiss is doing regarding possible issues that organizational policy on transgender employess in the workplace should address. The specific post I am referring to covers how an organisation and the transgender employee might draft a memo of understanding, in a sense, that allows for clear guidelines on what is to be expected on both sides regarding the employees transition.

You can reach this excellent post and Dr. Weiss’s suggested guidlines by clicking to her blog at this link HERE and scrolling down to the Friday May 26th, 2006 post, “Issue: Draft Transition Plan”. You may also click to the plan itself at this link HERE (05/24/07 link no longer works).
(question mark used under Creative Commons license and courtesy of Mac(3) photos)

Are you manly? Mr. Harvey Mansfield has some thoughts that will challenge you on this. Harvey Mansfield is a 73 year old government professor and conservative elder statesman of Harvard University. And, he’s manly. Indeed, he’s got a book out on the subject as well, entitled Manliness.

Actually, in his words,he’s most interested helping to “convince skeptical readers-above all,educated women” of his argument that:

“it should be recognized that men will be manly and sometimes a bit bossy…and that women will recognize manliness with a smile by checking it while giving it something to do, or, on occasion, by urging it on.”

To some, Mr. Mansfield is really driving a further misogynist view at Harvard and in academia in general (you can read that view at Media Girl’s blog at this link here). To others, Mr Mansfiled is simply bringing forward the view that men need not be afraid to be manly.

But if the definition of being manly is, “confidence in a risky situation”. Then where do you stand in this? Mr Mansfield has listed the following as those whom he would consider manly (remember our defintion above):

• Arnold Schwarzenegger
• Humphrey Bogart
• Donald Rumsfeld
• Margaret Thatcher
• Hillary Clinton

Surprised? I was. And it made me rethink my definition of manliness. Frankly, I didn’t think myself more manly, not by a long shot. Many FtM’s are far more manly than I’ll ever be. But Mr. Mansfields’s provative stance makes me rethink the kind of person I want to be and the kind of heart I want as I face life’s challenges.

Mr. Mansfield’s model of Manliness though is Achilles. In Mr. Mansfield’s view Achilles was a man of virtue and all men of virtue are fit to rule because they resolve to defend a cause larger than themselves – a manly action that is the best and truest of it’s kind. But regardless of gender, I would suggest such a character trait is something that all of us would want to aspire to. The alternative seems craven.

Jennifer Boylan mentions in her book, “She’s Not There“, that really we all need to have the courage to face our personal dragons and be courageous enough to face them down and slay them. That’s all she was trying to do. While that sounds pretty manly to me, isn’t that the essence of the kind of courage you want to have? Think about that scene from The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, where Eowyn slays the leader of the Ring Wraiths. Now that’s courage!

What we all need to do is consider what kind of people we need to be, not whether our gender allows us to be this way or that way. Surely, when a man opens the door for me, I find it nice and I like it. I think he’s being a gentleman, But to fight a cause I think we all want to consider how we can be manly – to be confident in risky situations not for gender gain, but so that the causes we fight for that are larger than ourselves can be slain and victory won for many.

(source material for this article from The Wall Street Jornal, 03/04/2006, page A8, mountain top photo courtesy of eWeaver )

I saw two specials the other day on Comedy Central.  Both were hosted by comics.  One was a woman, the other a man.   The woman was significantly funnier than the man was.  Their styles were different too. She was more self-deprecating, and not afraid to be "naked" as we say in the blogosphere, when it came to how she joked about life, her travels through it, and her observations of it.  And the crowd was laughing out loud.   

The man’s humor was different.  It was more one liners and more challenges to the audience that they had better laugh, his material was funny!  His flow was off too, probably just a bad night, but while he is a funny, national headliner for comics, he seemed more prone to goad the audience into laughing about his material than telling a story to have them laugh with him.  It was an interesting contrast between the two.

That got me to wondering about humor between men and women.  Have you ever wondered how they differ or are the same?   Well there’s a great article, written by Gina Barreca, at Ms. Magazine entitled  "Real stories, real laughter, real women" that I think you might like that talks about this.

Gina Barreca makes this interesting observation about the differences:

The difference, in fact, between men’s humor and women’s humor seems to
be the difference between revolt and revolution. Masculine humor has of
course included digs at the conventions of the world, poked fun at the
institutions and establishments, but without the truly anarchic edge
that characterizes feminine humor. Women’s humor calls into question
the largest issues, questions the way the world is put together.

She also makes note that feminine humor has been and is often hidden:

Why has the feminine tradition of humor, ubiquitous as it is, remained
essentially hidden from the mainstream? In part it is due to the
Tupperware mentality that sought to preserve humor by keeping away from
the potentially hazardous male gaze. If men didn’t find funny what we
found funny, then they would think we were foolish. If they thought our
joking was foolish, we might learn to like it less ourselves. It wasn’t
worth the risk.

You can read the whole article for yourself by clicking to this link here.

(photo courtesy of benhamin’s photos, used under Creative Commons license)

I was perusing Caprice’s Glob and saw her litte link to a new site titled, “Transgender Workplace Diversity“. It looks like a great resource. Back in September of 2005 I had posted a similar resource from Laura 5’s site, she had listed some excellent articles on workplace gender policies there. You can snaggle back to that September ‘05 post and the links to that resource by clicking here.

4/1/2007 Update
The site, Laura5, has been permanently disabled by the owner.

What do you think of when you read the word “purge”? There’s probably a few things that come to mind like:

• Purging the attic of all the stuff you’ve accumulated the past say, 15 years
• Purging yourself of food if you happen to suffer from a purging eating disorder
• If your a plastics processor, you might be thinking of a purging compound to help in the removal of stubborn residues between color or resin changes.

But if your transgendered, purging is about that little ugly secret that those of us who are transgendered don’t talk about much. It’s that one thing that is the tease of a “cure” to having GID (gender identity disorder) that is based on self-reliance and a white knuckles attempt at changing who you are at your most basic level.

Read the rest of this entry »

There is an interesting artilce on Transgenderism (gender dysphoria) in the Lahey Clinic Fall 2005 Journal. The clinic actually features this article, and you can read it at this link here. I was referred to it from doing some reading at Andrea Jame’s outstanding TS Roadmap.

The article does a good job of outlining the potential sources for our being transgendered as well as the ethical issues in intervening in children who are diagnosed with gender dysphoria. There are other good insights in the article as well, such as the authors opinion that psychological issues (such as depression, fairly common in the trans-community) are really a result of not dealing constructively with a person’s gender dysphoria.

Click here for this excellent article, from this well respected medical institution in New England

4-2-2008 Update
There is a nice Q&A Interview on the author of this Lahey Clinic article, Dr. Norm Spack. It was done in Boston.Com. You can reach the Boston.com Article by clicking here. You can read our coverage at Beck’s Cafe on this Boston.com article by clicking into Beck’s Cafe at this link here.

If you live in the New York Metro area, you might want to consider being a part of the Transgender Project. 

The project, funded by the NIH, is designed to:

describe the economic, social and personal, family and workplace experiences of male to female trans-persons, how these experiences change over the course of our lives, and the impact of these experiences on our mental and physical health.

This sounds like a worthwhile study that will produce some very valuable information on the transgendered community.   If you live in the NY Metro area, go have a look, sounds like you could be a part of history if you do!

Helen Boyd is the author of one of the best books on dealing with living with someone with who is transgendered from the spouse’s (most particularly the wife’s)  perspective.  If your married, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to understand your spouse’s point of view, it goes a long way to helping  you both communicate on your very real transgender (GID) issues.  Whether your male-to-female or female-to-male I’d suggest you take a look at her book.  This book was very important to me in understanding my wife’s point of view.  For my wife, she was able to at last read something from another genetic woman who’s husband is transgendered and who did not necessarily think their situation was all "wonderful" nor all "terrible".  It’s well researched, well written, and well worth reading.   

Helen’s journal, (en)gender, is at this link here.

You can buy the book from Amazon at this link here.

Link: Macleans.ca | Why be just one sex?.

Macleans is Canada’s premiere monthly magazine and a great read.   I live in the U.S.A., but with friends in Canada, it’s hard not to peruse their periodicals from time to time to see how life is with our Northern neighbor. 

Among my friends is "Sally", one of the people written about in the story at the link above.  I am very proud to know her.  She is a personal inspiration to me, and to others.  Pull up a mug of cocoa and read the story at the link above to learn a bit about her, and about being transgendered in Canada.

Link: HBO: Middle Sexes: Redefining He and She.

I noticed this documentary while at tsroadmap.  This looks very interesting, hopefully HBO will do a good job of showing a balanced view.

Update 12/28/09:
The “Letter to the Editor” link in our 12/6/05 update to the Metrowest News on this issue was moved to the archives of the Metrowest News or deleted.  I was able to find it at the Lamda-Rainbow-Trans-Midwest Yahoo Group.  Many thanks to Autumn Sandeen for archiving it there.  You can read this important “Letter to the Editor” regarding how one new reporter may have put others in harms way just for his new scoop at this new link at Lambda-Rainbow-Trans-Midwest Yahoo Group.  Scroll to the bottom to find the article in this link.

UPDATE 12/6/05:
I pulled the link to the article.  This is out of respect for the speakers who, apparently, did not want themselves featured in a news article.  In fact, it appears that the reporter who wrote the article was in fact not even supposed to be in the student assembly where the talk was being given.   For the editorial as to why I am pulling the link, please read that here.

Link: Workplace Gender Policies in the Press

This is a shameless pluck off of Laura, of Laura 5 fame, website. It’s a great bunch of articles on how employers are learning to adapt to transgendered folk. Great reading and very helpful.

4/1/2007 Update
The site, Laura5, has been permanently disabled by the owner.

Yahoo’s dropping private chat rooms gotchya down and lonely? Dropping them was for the right reason (read article Yahoo Chatrooms go offline for why) but many in the transgendered community (as well as many other communities) rely on chat rooms for support, to make connections, and for simply companionship. When you can’t be with someone physically or on the phone with them, chat lines can form a key support.

A new on-line community might fill a void for you: Transdentity. Transdentity exists as a supportive community for the creative exploration of identity for all individuals. The site hosts a forum, chat line and bulletin board. The chat line can be found on the Internet Relay Chat (IRC) Undernet system. The channel is #transdentity. You can get to Transdentity’s chatroom by clicking on this link here.

When the log-in screen pops up type in your nickname (use the one you have at Yahoo if you’d like!), then type in #transdentity for you Favourite channel. If a pop up window appears with a Java Security Warning, asking you to accept or deny, click accept. The site is secure and shouldn’t pose a problem (or hasn’t for me anyway).

Read the rest of this entry »

That energizer bunnie of resources has added some new stuff to her resource site! I’d suggest you check it out! Especially the recent update on legal issues for TG folk at GLAD…see Laura’s website for the fun:

Link: Laura5.com.

4/1/2007 Update
The site, Laura5, has been permanently disabled by the owner.

Link: Theology of the body

Maybe, just maybe, being transgendered will be our strength in the next life.  Perhaps, just perhaps, the bodies & characteristics we posses now will be transformed into what so many of so desperately want; to be female, or certainly to achieve a balance in who we are gender wise.  See this link at Amy Wellborn’s blog to spur your own thinking on  Link: Theology of the body

Things I will never for the life of me figure out about being a t-girl…

• You don’t know you have an issue until…you see yourself, or you dress or you do something to affirm yourself as a woman, then, all of a sudden you feel light, fresh, energized, happy, no longer depressed. It’s as if you went from stuffy closet to a green grassed park with blue skies. I will never ever understand this.

• How no matter how amazing another trans-woman can look, she can still totally act like a guy – and how some trans-woman simply can’t get beyond a very plain look, yet are truly feminine to their toes.

• Why society makes such a big deal about something we have no control over – whether Male-to-Female or Female-to-Male. Truly, what we do with who we are is in our control, but how we got here isn’t.

If your a trans-woman by now you’ve learned (or instinctively knew) that asking questions is not only smart – it feels good!

• Where’s the ladies room?
• So where DID you get that dress?
• Umm, I’m lost, can you tell me how to get to Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream shop?

If your a trans-guy or a genetic dude you know that asking questions is for whimps! (“Screw that, I’ll find that place if it’s the last thing I do…”(two hours later….)

Admittedly, these are stereotypes! But they are fun when you think about how easily we fall into them…so without further adieu, I bring
you some links with great, great info, for the trans-woman (and anyone else who is curious)

Laura5.com http://65.18.210.96/laura5/index.htm I just found this and I love it! If you live in New England andneed to know some resources (therapists, places to shop, clubbing…) go there – you’ll be delighted

U R Not Alone http://www.urnotalone.com Chat sites vary. Some are good, some are trash. But what they do is help us to connect with like minded folk for community. If your in the closet going stir crazy they might in fact be a lifeline. U R Not Alone is very good chat, as well as having a boat load of other good stuff on it. Great people on the chat line coupled with wise moderators makes for a fun time if you’ve got some minutes to burn (or just need someone to talk to and you have no where else to turn).

Gendertalk http://www.gendertalk.com This is a really neat radio program hosted locally in Boston. Youcan also download info, and get a cool podcast too! Highly Recommended!

4/1/2007 Update
The site, Laura5, has been permanently disabled by the owner.