Fun Puns for Monday Madness
I love to laugh and doing it with friends is one of the small treasures in life that makes life worth living. So, for your Monday morning quadruple espresso, how about some puns to start your day? All puns courtesy of Pun of the Day.
- He wanted to build a rope factory but first he had to pull a few strings.
- Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
- A doctor drank while putting on patients’ casts. He was soon plastered.
- There was an eye doctor who wanted to re-locate but couldn’t find a job because he didn’t have enough contacts.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
- What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
(Woman laughing photo courtesy of Fred Armitage Photos, used under Creative Commons License)
Start your week with a giggle
It’s Monday…I forgot my badge to get into work, I almost ran out of gas, I spilled a cup of coffee on my lap…time for a laugh break (enjoy it…I did)
(source: Monday Funnies Yahoo Group)
Three couples--one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed--wanted
to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for
new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The
couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to
abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you
able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The
second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but,
yep, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.
The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you
able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the
young man replied sadly.
"What happened?" inquired the priest.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped
it," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was
overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the priest.
"We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket
anymore either."
Top Hoaxes of all time
Link: Mercola Health Newsletter
These were way too funny to pass up posting over my steaming mug of hazelnut coffee…see the whole list at this link here
1. The Swiss
Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks
to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded
spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti
crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants
pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers
were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could
grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically
replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin
of tomato sauce and hope for the best."
I’m not dead yet!
Link: Ivory-billed Woodpecker – Cornell Lab of Ornithology.
Well this is pretty cool. The Ivory Billed Woodpecker, once thought extinct is actually still alive! I wonder if they’ll run a correction in the obituaries for the little wood eater!
… as long as they don’t find any live T-Rex’s thought long dead, I’m fine with extinct species making a comeback.
