A Pinch of Christmas Humor

The Christmas Shopping rush is upon us!  Now’s the time to give your funny bone a tuneup and make sure you take a little humor with you into the fray.   In the immortal words of my hero, Mary Poppins,  “Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medecine go down, in the most delightful way”.

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In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.

The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”

A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”

The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”

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“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.

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As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”

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Why does Santa have 3 gardens? ….. So he can ho-ho-ho.

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You might be a scrooge if…..
* Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.

* Your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.

* You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.

(Photo courtesy of Billaday’s Photos and used here under Creative Commons License)