It’s true. You might find that accepting a little misery might make you happier. A friend of mine had a parallel though, “You know Becki, sometimes you just know you are going to take a beating”.
How comforting.
Anyway, in a wonderful article from one of the world’s last bastions of independant news, The BBC, came this report from June of 2007. It’s good medicine for all our relationships in 2008. As published in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, researchers from California State University, Northridge and Virginia Tech say expecting and accepting life’s miserable times are better than striving for perfection.
Some of the findings were surprising, if not shocking, so brace yourselves:
- There is no way to avoid suffering in our relationships. You simply cannot have a perfect marriage, relationship or friendship
- No relationships can be in a perfect state of happiness. All relationships eventually have very hard times
- The mental health industry appears to be perpetuating the myth that with enough work (or medication) we can be always happy
- It is “fantasy” that any relationship could be perfect and that striving for such an impossible state could lead to bitter disappointment.
You may read the full report at the BBC by visiting the article at their site here. The relationships experts recommended meditation as a help to ease pressure in expectations. One would think a good shot of bourbon might help too.

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