True measure of a Woman

I belong to a few Yahoo Groups and most of them are pretty good. I actually belonged to more but had to cut back about a dozen as I was really not contributing very much. But a recent thread on the topic of the “true measure of a woman” was well posted in one group and has led to a wonderful discussion on this topic. While some of the excellent posts from others cannot be shared at Beck’s Cafe for reasons of confidentiality, this one, by me can be. But let me explain what I’m sharing, so that it appears less like the shameless promotion I’m so well known for ( a friend who had seen the movie, “Thank You for Smoking“ actually compared me to the PR Person for the smoking companies!)

The most valuable pieces of my post that are worth sharing on “the true measure of a woman” comes not from my keyboard but from the keyboards of two other genetic women. I think their answers may challenge you.

First let’s hear from a genetic woman, earlbecke, from who’s blog, “Definition” this piece come from:

The reality is that there is no universal, essential experience of womanhood. The mainstream American feminist movement has often and rightly been criticized for ignoring the experience of women of color, queer women, poor women. None of us have grown up or been raised the same way. None of our experiences have been exactly the same or meant the same thing to us, impacted us in the same ways.

My experience as a biracial, queer, ex-Mormon feminist can’t be compared to a straight, white, Christian woman. It can’t be compared to a woman who grew up in poverty, or another culture, or another part of the world. We are not the same. There is no unifying thread which connects us, nothing magical or spiritual binding us all in sisterhood with one another except those threads we weave ourselves, those bridges that we build, and our shared humanity, which, might I remind you, we also share with men.

What is this experience transwomen can never have or understand which makes them not “real” women in the social sense? We can’t argue it’s dependent on the presence or absence of female sex organs; there are women with birth defects and women without wombs. There are women who have been victims of Female Genital Mutilation. There can be women born with ambiguous genitalia. And, so, there can be women with male sex organs, too.

An appeal to blood is useless here for the reasons stated above: not all women, even cisgendered women, bleed. Some women have reproductive health issues. Some women have been through menopause. Not all of us bleed the same way. I can hardly relate to women for whom menstruation is a horrible, agonizing ordeal — for me, it is something I hardly even think about. Given the huge amount of physical variation, the ultimately subjective nature of our interactions with our own bodies, I hardly think a woman born with a penis can be much different from me than a woman with endometriosis. Both are foreign. Both are certainly women.

There is no biological congruence. There is no identical socialization. Even women who have endured the same event will process it differently, come to different conclusions. Nobody is an island, but neither are any of us the same. It’s been argued that no one can ever truly understand another person, and I agree. Given that, how can anyone really believe there’s anything essential that ties all women together? Even if we all emerged from the same common background, I don’t think that would be true. [ed. - you can read the full post at Definition blog by visiting this link here].

And now a word on this topic from my wife, partner and best friend. This is what she had to say when I ran this by her:

If you really want to know the true measure of a woman is, it’s being a friend and looking out for each other. It’s making sure you are all safe and don’t have to go to places like you described. If you really want to be a friend, make a safe path for other transgender friends. For example, my seven closest friends are all there for each other when we need it. Two of us have had cancer, another numerous family deaths, and all of us deal with daily life. If any of us needed something we would call each other and stick together. Even a potato! We come from all
walks of life and yet we help each other out”.