Jumpin’ Java Jokes

Someone visited Beck’s Cafe looking for puns about coffee. I wish I’d had some, what a hoot that would be. So, in lieu of that I offer up these fine jokes on coffee…sure to make you grin whilst savouring that first cup of the day.

That Irish Cofee has quite a kick!
(courtesy of Vikar’s Rant Blog)

An elderly Irish woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband’s sex drive …

“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor.

“Not a chance,” says Mrs. Murphy. “He won’t even take an aspirin for a headache.”

“No problem.” replies the doctor. “Drop it into his coffee, he won’t even taste it. Try it and then call me in a week to let me know how it worked out.”

A week later, Mrs. Murphy calls the doctor and he inquired as to how things went. “Oh, faith and bejaysus and begorrah it was terrible, just terrible, doctor.”

“What happened?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a gleam in his eye and with his pants bulging fiercely!!! He swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was terrible!”

“What was terrible?” said the doctor. “Was the sex not good?”

“Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best I’ve had in 25 years, but I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.”

Of coffee prices and Men
(Courtesy of Coffee Links)

A man walks into a cafe and asks the waitress how much the coffee is. “It’s $4″ replied the waitress. “Well how much are the refills then?” asks the man. “They are free” says the waitress. “Hmm, well I’ll just take a refill then!”.

Why Coffee is better than Men

* You can make coffee as sweet as you desire.
* A cup of coffee always looks good.
* Coffee smells good.
* Coffee tastes good.
* Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.
* You can have a good conversation with coffee.
* You can have coffee anywhere, anytime, and not get arrested.
* You can have as many coffees as you desire.
* Coffee doesn’t care what you look like.

(Photo of woman drinking coffee courtesy of lil-azorean’s photos, used under Creative Commons License)