October 2006

I’ve only gotten to know Jay a teeny bit via his blog, but, he’s one interesting character, public speaker, excellent writer and a funny and insightful cartoonist. He’s part of my “coolest guys” picks which includes Thomas Jefferson, Felix the Cat and Michael West.

Jay sennett writes about his global microbrand (i.e. himself) at his blog, jaysennett.com. So for this edition of Funny Bone at Beck’s Cafe, here’s some of his offbeat, insightful and funny cartoons. Used courtesy of Mr. Jay Sennett and under Creative Commons License. You can see more at his pad, click to Jay Sennett at this link HERE.

I was absolutely astounded to read at BlogHer in an article written by Kim Pearson about Iranian women being stoned due to what is essentially their gender. The women are being stoned to death due to crimes against chastity, namely, adultery. Now I personally think adultery is wrong but that’s a matter to be handled between two people not at the dull end of a hunk of granite

I dug into this a bit further and it’s interesting. Apparently stoning isn’t even prescribed as a punishment in the Quran for adultery. So that tells me that these women are being punished because of their gender, because someone in Iran decided that the women were expendable. You can read the article detailing this topic on being stoned and the Quran at the Islamic Blog, Eteraz, by clicking here.

To read Amnesty International’s full coverage of this issue please click to the story at Payvand’s Iran News here. Danielle Crittendon has blogged about this as well in her blog at this link here.

So what to do? You may be surprised there are indeed actions you can take that may help. Eteraz, the Islamic blog mentioned earlier, has an article with detailed suggestions on what you can do. You can read the full text of the article by clicking to it at this link HERE. Here are some excerpts:

• Sign the petition to spare the lives of two of these women. Eteraz has the links in the article
• Submit a letter to the Supreme Iranian Leader Ayatollah Khamein, Eteraz has a sample letter you can use and the email address.
• Go to the website of the Ministry of Justice in Iran and post your desire that these women be spared, once again Eteraz has the link and an example you can use

The date of the stoning appears to be October 12^th or anytime thereafter. Please act now.

It was an occasion to celebrate! Two of my closest friends were each celebrating unique occasion to each of their lives. I was elated for them both, and since I love being with any of my friends, the celebratory activities were put into play: Meet at one friends home downtown, clink glasses with said friends with champagne, decadently dine on caviar, then off to a nice local restaurant, arm in arm, skirts aflair, for a splendid time.

So me being the one who generally takes the longest, (you have friends like that I’m sure, be kind to them, they are slow but have big hearts), I thought I’d wait just a bit longer and instead of shaving for the occasion I’d use…

Nair.

“It’s the hair; the hair is ALWAYS the problem with us.” Those words, spoken by one of the aforementioned friends portended only doom - little did I know.

So, examining my body, which vaguely resembles a Beluga whale, I thought, “hey skip the shavin’, I’m Nairin’, I’ll feel better I’m sure”. And so on it went.

Have you ever used Nair? Have you ever smelled it? The bottle is pretty. The smell is like something from a glue factory. It just smells like it’s bad for you, that it could hurt badly you if misused. More on that point; keep reading.

And the consistency. Never a gloppier substance has come from the beauty labs of America. On my bod it went, pink color harshly contrasting with my pasty white Irish skin. One false move by any of my limbs never mind my torso and *splat* some would whip onto the wall, the shower curtain or the floor. Then try and clean it! One move to clean leads to a veritable landslide of the gooey substance as it travels down your body. Your only option to while the time away while Nair does it’s dirty business?

Wait.

Wait and just breath the heavy fumes of that permeate your skin, your walls, your cat (should your cat be unlucky enough to be in the bathroom with you during this drama).

So one little factoid on the directions says DO NOT leave on your body beyond the specified time. Despite Nair smelling like the insides of buildings where you bring hobbled horses for a sort of last rights, I thought, “how can this be right I mean, I’m a genetic male, thick skin and all. I may be transgender but hey, this stuff can’t be THAT bad really can it? I’ll leave it on for 3x the time so I’m good and de-haired. I’m sure I’ll feel better.”

“It’s the hair; the hair is ALWAYS the problem with us”. My friends words echoed in my mind. Especially AFTER I took the Nair off.

One little side effect of leaving it on too long is simply that your skin burns. Mine was tingling all over by the time I took it off. You’d think I would have determined I was having a problem when that sensation appeared! Off the Nair went and I’ll be damned if my skin wasn’t RED and growing red bumps and a damn RASH. That’s right readers, the femme fatale, the adopted soccer mom of the trans-community was finding herself turning into a red pimpled, red rashed, Beluga sized MESS. Oh, rubbing my skin with a towel to try desperately to remove this only aggravated my situation.

Needless to say my wearing that low cut cute tank top and my pearls while celebrating was not going to work! Too bad it hadn’t been Winter, I look fetching in a turtle neck.

Moral of story? Those directions on Nair really ARE there for a good reason!
Bonus Moral? Never use an epilator on your face! It’s only for your arms or legs!

(photo of razor courtesy of John Wardell (Netinho’s) Photos, used under Creative Commons License)

I love to laugh and doing it with friends is one of the small treasures in life that makes life worth living. So, for your Monday morning quadruple espresso, how about some puns to start your day? All puns courtesy of Pun of the Day.

• He wanted to build a rope factory but first he had to pull a few strings.

• Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.

• A doctor drank while putting on patients’ casts. He was soon plastered.

• There was an eye doctor who wanted to re-locate but couldn’t find a job because he didn’t have enough contacts.

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

• What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

• What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

(Woman laughing photo courtesy of Fred Armitage Photos, used under Creative Commons License)