What would you change for love?

September 27, 2006 in Gender by Rebecca | 2 comments

reading-a-magazine.jpg There is an amazing source of information available to anyone dealing with the transgender spectrum, be they practitioners or people and that is The Official Journal of the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, the International Journal of Transgenderism. While the journal is now published by Hawthorne Press, the archives of material from 2002 is still on line and, let me tell you, it is great reading. From time to time I’ll feature material from the journal as it is too rich a source to leave untapped. In respect of copyright laws, I won’t put the full articles here, but I’ll be refering to them. You may view the archive yourself of course by clicking directly to it at this linke here.

For the first mining of this treasure I’d like to present what will be a controversial topic, in my opinion, for many of you reading this. It certainly was for me. The piece is entitled, “What I Did For Love: Temporary Returns to the Male Gender Role”. And is the remarkable story of Laura Davis. She transitioned at age 60 (so there’s still hope for me apparently) and then found herself in a very important life choice, should she, indeed could she, live for a time as male in order to help her wife in a difficult career situation? Would you switch back to your incorrectgender to help someone you love? What circumstances might drive you to do it?

I’ll leave you with this teaser from Laura’s writing:

I can do now for love what would have been impossible ten years ago. My gender essence has consolidated to that of female but the public presentation of a female identity is less important than my love for my Judy. As needed to not hinder my wife’s ministry, I have and will continue to gladly adopt a male identity temporarily. Like Jim, [from the story by O. Henry, "The Gift of the Magi"], I can pawn my watch for my beloved


It’s a provocative story and one that encourages any of us under the transgender umbrella to think about what each of us might do for love. For the full story, please click to this link here.

(Picture courtesy of Nadar’s Photos, used under Creative Commons License)

  1. Nikki’s avatar

    Nikki on September 28, 2006 at 9:03 pm

    Dear Becki:
    This is presenting an incredibly tough question.
    There is absolutely no comparison to something as simple as pawning ones watch when it comes to something you have emotionally struggled with your entire life.
    Obviously at 60, Laura’s wife went through the years of questions and psychological profiling that brought Laura to confirming her identity as a woman. That is one heck of alot of love we’re talking about here. Like so many of us know, being gender disphoric turns hard the tides of love.
    If someone was to stand by me a life span of transitioning, being there through those embarrassing first steps out in the light of day as a cross dresser, still loving me as the hormonal changes chemically castrated me and removed a major portion of our physical love making and then litterly became a lesbian to stay side by side and continue to show eternal love, then WHAT would I do?????
    I guess we have just reached the difference between being ethical and moral. The ethical person questions right or wrong the moral person knows what is right and just does it.
    Are you strong enough to be moralistic.
    I think this question has to be confronted by each individual couple and I have not met one yet who has gone through 40 years of marriage with daddy wearing mommies underwear.
    Many try, many find some sexual excitment at the very beining and this is normal. Some manage to stay together through the weekend outings and deeper emergance into transition but there is a breaking point.
    Me personally have gone through several relationships but none ever knew “Nikki” and some who now know want little or nothing to do with me.
    So I guess, I have not known the love that Laura has or if I am a moral enough a person to willingly throw my life into such an incredible reversal and play girl/boy much the same way as I played boy/girl for half a lifetime.
    Love — Nikki

  2. Rebecca’s avatar

    Rebecca on September 29, 2006 at 6:13 pm

    Hi Nikki,

    Thank you for your very thoughtful and detailed comment. There’s alot to think about in your comment and I’m glad you left it.

    I’m not sure I’d dissect it like that. I think I’d just chalk it up to love. Maybe I’m just a romantic at heart but, what she did for her partner was really sacrificial love. And it wasn’t forever, it was only for a time, which likely made it more doable I’d reckon.

    But your last sentance maybe sums it:

    So I guess, I have not known the love that Laura has or if I am a moral enough a person to willingly throw my life into such an incredible reversal and play girl/boy much the same way as I played boy/girl for half a lifetime.

    I don’t know anyone who has experienced that kind of love. I know of some who, to me, it appears have, but whether they have or not I’m not sure. Perhaps only time will tell?

    Thank you again Nikki,

    Becki