Cranky Old Men and Happy Old Women?

“It’s finally happened. My husband has turned into a grumpy old man.” That headline opened a very interesting essay in the June 26, 2006 Wall Street Journal regarding “Cranky Old Men and Happy Old Women”. The well written essay, by Ellen Graham, is about her husband coming to grips with his aging and the differences in their approach to aging. The article made me pause to think about if there is truth behind this, what the implications might be and what do we do about it? I mean, who wants to be cranky all the time? How much fun can that be?

Current research says that men and women are equally happy when they age. The Pew Research Center, released in February 2006, the results of a study on happiness (you can read the report at the Pew site by clicking this link here. A number of areas were covered including gender and aging. In that report they noted that:

There is virtually no difference in happiness by gender and only a bit of variance in happiness by age. But the age data run counter to the prevailing ethos of the popular culture, which is forever extolling the blessings of youth.

I think there are things that seem to always decline with age that can seem to make us cranky. Take our hair for instance. Generally it thins, we lose it, or it changes to white! Ahh, the old gray mare. I much prefer the biblical admonition, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31). Or how about our memories. “Where did those keys go that I swear I put down on this table”. Had any of those moments lately? But it’s how we deal with them that might best determine how cranky or happy we are as we age. While it appears that women (generally) will roll with such lapses, men (generally) seem to take the decline harder, as a personal affront almost. After years of being forced to fill a role of high performance and competence, men find, as they grow older, they are treated as if they are slipping. They may be perfectly fine and operating at the same levels as years before, but how they are treated makes the difference. The apparent loss of place and status may make them a bit cranky or maybe even make them feel aimless and somewhat hopeless. I wonder how the increasing number of older women executives will deal with this issue since in the work world they are under no less stress to perform.

So perhaps it is all about our attitude then - regardless of gender. A recent interview at the Boost website of Dr. Royda Crose, Ph.D., might help our understanding. Dr. Crose retired from Ball State University in Indiana, where she was director of the Center for Gerontology and associate director of the Fisher Institute for Wellness. She is also author of the book, “Why Women Live Longer than Men, and What Men Can Learn From Them”. In her interview at Boost, she had this to say about attitude and aging:

“Attitude is very important during any phase of life – but particularly as we grow old. For men and women alike, attitude can have a very great impact on health in either a positive or negative way,” she says. “The good news for all of us is that the ability to have a positive attitude is very much under our control. The big question is how you motivate someone to put that positive attitude into action.”

However, even Dr. Crose points out that women seem to have an aging advantage. It’s not related to physical ability, genetics, or mental agility. It seems to be related to experience in life and making lemonades when life hands you lemons. In her excellent review of Dr. Crose’s book, Dr. Joan Saks Berman, Ph.D., notes the following (Dr. Berman’s full and very informitive review can be found at her site here):

Women, on the other hand, have learned coping skills and ways to survive in a sexist society that serve them well in an ageist society. Until men join women as equal partners in all dimensions of life, they won’t succeed in closing the longevity gap. The longevity of a species seems to be based on ability to be open to and to contribute to the well-being of the whole system. Flexibility and resilience seem to be concepts that explain gender differences in longevity. This includes the ability to recover from misfortune and to creatively live life in spite of disease and stress. Flexibility in emotional health means working at finding joy, laughter, and humor in aging life experiences. Flexibility in spiritual or religious beliefs enables the older person to accept the inevitable losses and tolerate the increased diversity encountered in new living environments or in an ever-changing world.

So there really are cranky old men and happy old women and now you know a bit more about why and what to do about it. So whether male or female, there’s no reason to be cranky and unhappy as you age. Both genders can age gracefully and happily. It’s all about your attitude and giving to others in their well being, things all of us can do as we age.

(Photo courtesy of Welfl’s Photos, used under Creative Commons License)