It’s Monday…I forgot my badge to get into work, I almost ran out of gas, I spilled a cup of coffee on my lap…time for a laugh break (enjoy it…I did)
(source: Monday Funnies Yahoo Group)
Three couples--one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed--wantedto join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements fornew parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." Thecouples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able toabstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest. The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were youable to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. Thesecond week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but,yep, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest. The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were youable to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," theyoung man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the priest. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and droppedit," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I wasovercome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in ourchurch," stated the priest. "We know," said the young man. "We’re not welcome at the supermarketanymore either."
============================ Ten Reasons God Created Woman 10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden becausehe wouldn’t ask for directions. 9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TVremote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don’t want to seewhat’s on ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.) 8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor’s appointment. 7. God knew that when Adam’s fig leaf wore out, he would never buy anew one for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage. 5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam wouldnever be able to handle labor pains and childbirth. 4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding histools. 3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and foranything else that was really his fault. 2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone." 1. And the No. 1 reason of all (Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.] God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that." ============================ There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for herbusiness. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Biblealong with her. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out herBible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he wasdoing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don’t really believeall that stuff in there do you?" The woman replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time insidethe whale?" The woman said, "Well, I don’t really know. I guess when I get toheaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn’t in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him," replied the woman.
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